The Magician’s Apprentice
Long ago, in a world not unlike this one, lived a Magnificent Magician.
The Magnificent Magician had lived for eons conjuring beautiful things – but He longed for a community of magicians and stewards that He could talk with and train and impart His mastery.
The Magician decided to create an army of magicians – each one imbued with at least one aspect of His magnificent power. Unified they would bring together every aspect of His character and glory. Separately their meager gifts would be no match for the Evil Horror who lived to undermine and interfere with the Magicians plans.
The Evil Horror had once been the Magician’s Chief Apprentice, gifted with powers of persuasion exceeding that of all but the Magnificent Magician Himself. But the Chief Apprentice began to believe he didn’t need the Magician and refused to submit to His authority. A great battle ensued and the Chief Apprentice became known as the Evil Horror because of the methods he used to deceive and betray other apprentices into leaving the Magician’s army.
The Evil Horror learned of the Magician’s plan to create a community of magician apprentices and devised a scheme so foul that it seemed the community was doomed before it started. Every time the Magician created a new member of the community, the Horror would slip in and install a device that when triggered, the young apprentice would be filled with fear and doubt, confusion and anger, unhappiness and even selfishness.
The Magician discovered the Horror’s scheme and decided to give His young apprentices the opportunity to overcome the Horror by using the gifts He’d given them. The apprentices would have to choose to expose their trigger to the Light and not hide it away. Only in the Light could the trigger be de-activated.
One day a young apprentice was created and given several of the Magnificent Magician’s gifts: empathy, intelligence and creativity. But the Horror saw the gifts and installed two triggers that could overpower these gifts if not exposed to the Light: fear and doubt. The beautiful Young Apprentice practiced using her gifts and grew in skill – but over and over her triggers would be pushed and she began to doubt the wisdom and goodness of the Magician. Alone in the dark the trigger fear would overwhelm her until she thought she might die. Other apprentices would trip over her trigger sending her into a frightening spiral of pain and fear. Others (who had been triggered with lust, hatred and lies) would intentionally push the trigger of doubt with messages like “You’re not good enough” and “No one wants you”. The Young Apprentice suffered deeply when her triggers were active, and shame would prevent her from exposing her triggers to the Light.
The Young Apprentice began to believe the lies – that her skills were not good enough, that the Magician didn’t love or approve of her, that she would never live up to the Magician’s standard, the her life as a True Magician was only a foolish dream. Each time one of her gifts awakened, the Horror would send someone to trigger her fear and belief that she would never be good enough. Deep in her heart she longed to be just like the Magician. But day after day, month after month, year after year she was triggered by fear and doubt and lies. The Magician continued to send rays of Light and the Young Apprentice would hang on to these rays as if they were a lifeline.
The Horror became disgusted with his lack of success in destroying the Young Apprentice. He found the vilest, darkest lie and exactly the right person to trigger the apprentice’s fears ad doubts. This person was a trusted colleague – someone she had studied and practiced with. Someone who knew her heart and vulnerabilities. He sent a message asking her to meet him to work some magic late in the day. The Young Apprentice wondered about the request but shrugged off her intuition and went to meet her colleague. The colleague threw a cloak of darkness over the apprentice and dragged her into the Cave of Insanity.
The Young Apprentice was dragged into the dank, dark hole in the earth – deep, deep, deep into the darkness. The further the colleague took her, the greater her fear, the stronger her doubts and the weaker her gifts. When it seemed they could go no deeper the colleague removed the cloak and began to taunt the apprentice with the lies the Horror had given him: “No one wants you”, “You’re not good enough and never will be”, “The Magician has abandoned you”, “No one wants you.”
The words reverberated in the heart and mind of the Young Apprentice until she believed the lies. When she’d been completely broken and brain-washed into believing the deception, the Horror released her from the cave – but she continued to wear a cloak of shame and hid from the Light. She was afraid the Light would only reveal more of her inadequacy and failure.
One day while trying to conjure her gifts the Young Apprentice saw a beam of Light and the effect it had on the other apprentices. They bathed in the Light and glowed with its warmth. Their faces shone and they looked so happy. Their gifts enhanced and they grew powerful. The Young Apprentice longed for the healing power of the Light. When no one was looking, she lifted the cloak of shame and let the Light rest on her face. Her heart was warmed and the fear faded a little. But as soon as someone glanced her way, the Apprentice would slip back under her cloak of shame and hide beneath her fear. But something amazing happened that day. The little dose of Light worked its way and planted itself into the Apprentice’s heart. She began to see the deceptions and doubts and how all the apprentices struggled at times. Slowly she began to let the cloak of shame slip away and embraced the Light more and more.
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One day the Magnificent Magician came to watch the apprentices practicing their skills. He noticed the Young Apprentice in her cloak of shame and saw how she avoided looking in His direction. The Magician stepped down to approach the Young Apprentice and when He was close enough He reached out and touched her shoulder. The Young Apprentice was terrified at first and trembled under His gentle hand. The Magician began to speak so softly that the Young Apprentice had to lean in to hear him. The words were so comforting, so soothing, so inviting that she found herself leaning closer and closer until she was in His arms. She barely noticed as He removed the cloak of shame and covered her in His Light.
The words of the Master Magician burned into her heart: “I will never leave you or forsake you – I have loved you with an ever-lasting love. You are my apprentice and I will make sure you are the best apprentice you can be. I love you and want you to come be with me on the Magician’s Mountain.” The heart of the Apprentice began to sing and her face glowed with the warmth of the Magician’s love and Light.
I wish I could tell you that the Apprentice put away the cloak of shame once and for all or that she lost all her triggers. The truth is she still has moments when the fear and doubt creep in, when her gifts fade, when she hears the words, “No one wants you – you are nothing.” But the Apprentice has learned she only has to raise her face to the Light and fear is stripped away.
Day by day, month by month – hour by hour she chooses the Light of the Magician. A few of the apprentices and minions of the Great Horror will purposely or inadvertently trigger the old fears and doubts – but the Apprentice is learning to use the triggers as a reminder to drop the cloak of shame, to stop hiding in the shadows, to open herself fully to the healing warmth of the Light. While there is truth in some of her triggers – she isn’t always good enough and isn’t always wanted by everyone – she has been freed from the Horror’s grasp. The Magnificent Magician has announced to all the world that she is His, that she is loved, fear and doubt replaced with His Light and Love.
This is The Beginning
©Van Allen & Associates, 2010
Images from MagikalGraphics
